So yesterday i ended up going over my daily calories by 266.
i blame the drinks i had with my mum after work :(

i managed to get in some good cardio, but still :(

its so depressing and frustrating for me, i see these girls who have fantastic metabolisms and can drop lbs so easily, but me.nope. i don't even lose anything from fasting for 3 days.

what is wrong with me? why can't i just lose this weight? i try to be optimistic, i work out, i restrict, i just don't get it.

So discouraging.

i put on one of my 2 lb weight loss last night.

and now its Friday. which is supposed to be a fast day and i know i wont be able to because its the weekend, so i thought ok, well maybe just restrict to 200. but this morning i don't know what i was thinking, i drank a slimfast shake and i never even eat anything for brekkie, just my usual coffee. wtf? where did this genious plan come from that i needed that shake...ugh i suck. i feel so incredibly worthless.

dumb Michelle! dumb dumb girl

Hopefully i can get in as much excersize as possible this weekend at least.lets think, i have a new home workout plan i downloaded, i can try that.yoga, crunches, maybe go for a walk? drive to work Sat and go for a swim/workout at the gym there?

my goal is to try to eat barely anything today and Sunday because i know i will end up consuming mass cals through bevvies, and Saturday i have a effin POTLUCK to go to, so i'm not sure what to do with that yet. i have a hard time restricting around my friends especially after i've had a couple, and as much as i hate PLANNING b/p sessions i just think that might be my only option for this one.

now..lets think of a sneaky way i can do so.. can't rely on privacy to purge in the bathroom necessarily..so maybe if i don't have any drinks before dinner, i can just after go opps! need cigarettes,have to run to 7/11 (note: make sure we take MY car, so i can drive instead of my boyfriend going)
now.. i've never purged anywhere other than the toilet so do i drive to a secluded area, pull over and purge outside? or bring some sort of bag to purge in in my car and then dispose of it. knowing me i am paranoid about people seeing/hearing me.so i think the bag is a good plan (note:DOUBLE bag that bitch;)

ok. i can do this. i can get through the weekend without being a heffer and still stay in the 160's

So it's wednesday again. double dance class tonight,

not really looking forward to it, but trying to stay optimistic.

to tell you the truth, i kinda want to drop out completely this semester,i'm just ...not feelin it right now. my depression makes me utterly manic, and we are doing a lot of focusing in Saidi and i really don't like Saidi.
but i know there is alot of pressure on me to perform in the show too :/

sigh, dancing should be fun.

November is incredibly busy for me. i'm in courses at work for the next two days, and all next week, i have wedding appointments, Birthday parties, Christmas parties, tattoo appointments AND i have to dance at a trade show all next weekend.

you'd think with such a busy schedule i would be droppin lbs, but so far i've only lost 10 and i think i am hitting a plateau because last week=0 lbs LOST. wtf.

did i mention i don't trust my scale?


in other news, the cleanse is going well, i decided to say fuck the instructions and amped it up a little this morning because i wasn't noticing any erm, changes. and it seems to be doing the trick. har. har.

still drinking tea like it's going out of style. forced myself to eat lunch today to give me energy for dance, but took some new diet pills(which i think may be placebos, still waiting for the good ones to come in the mail)